It’s at this time I began missing school, alongside it the social, emotional, and psychological development which comes alongside it. In addition to other symptoms materializing to an extent which slowly began debilitating me I spent months travelling throughout the country meeting with numerous specialists trying to figure out what was going on. This carried on until I was bedbound, my body physically couldn’t cope. From this point in my life my mental health, unaware to me at the time, took a steady decline as my symptoms continued to intensify. My mother at this time had to care for me full time. This continued with the relentless visits to professionals in between spending weeks at a time at home in bed. It’s only until the age of 13-14 after a few days in Cilgerran one doctor had the suggestion of mental health which changed everything. This then opened a can of worms which no-one had even suspected due to what I believe to be due to the stigma and lack of knowledge at the time. More than anything else however this gave us hope, this suggestion gave us something we could pursue after finding ourselves at dead end after dead end. It’s this revelation which then led me to the next chapter in my life where I was referred to CAMHS. This referral, although being what was ultimately needed but not yet realized, began to unravel multiple previously unidentified underlying reasons which had led to my unrecognized at the time symptoms of my mental health. Ones of course which had physically manifested to the symptoms explained earlier making me bed bound. As the mystery as to what had been causing my issues slowly began to piece together, I’d have more and more appointments to a point in which I’d be travelling back and forth 3-4 times a week. Although healthy and much needed in hindsight this period of my life was the hardest as it prolonged over the course of 2-3 years. 2-3 years which at the time felt like it would never end, a period in which I felt the best thing for me was to take my own life, something I’d considered several times up until this point as i was spending my days waking up, feeling frustrated, annoyed, that things aren’t fair and life wasn’t worth it, only to have to find the energy to go to Carmarthen, to try figure out why I was feeling these ways before going home, trying to eat, going to sleep and doing it all over again… This never-ending cycle continued until 2017 where I was referred to Tonic Surf Therapy. It’s at this point everything changed for me.
Being in the surf paddling through the breaking zone in between sets gave me an opportunity to be mindful to focus on what I was doing there and then and nothing else. The cleansing feeling gained from diving under a wave is something I’d never experienced elsewhere. It was this 10 week surf therapy course which quickly became the catalyst in my recovery, not only giving me an opportunity to breath in a life whereas I’d be feeling as if I were constantly trying to stay afloat but additionally giving me the confidence and self-belief that life was worth it, that I could achieve and that I could be happy regardless of what was happening around me, surfing gave me something to focus on and an escape from the past several years of my life. It’s from this point I was able to reintegrate into education, something I’d never imagined myself of doing, only to after a few weeks being able to cope with it full time. As a result of this progress my experience with CAMHS became far easier to cope with. Over the next 2 years whilst continuing to utilize surfing as a therapeutic intervention I had an opportunity to reflect and truly realize what the outdoors had provided me with. It’s at this point I knew what I wanted to pursue with that being a career in the outdoors, this quickly led me to volunteering with Tonic for years to come which only led to my passion for the outdoors growing stronger having seen others benefit from a different perspective. It’s this road I then took going into college studying Outdoor Adventure Education for 2 years which has now led me to studying the same at the University of Wales Trinity Saint David’s as of this September.
All of which I find personally to offer unique benefits to one another from the flow state which can be entered halfway up a multipitch placing gear before a crux to the full body experience which is white-water kayaking whereas even a slight movement or choice can alter what’s about to happen or the mental and physical challenges which comes with hiking, something you can alter to your own experiences and goals. It’s due to the lifestyle, therapeutic intervention and change in which the outdoors can provide to one is why to me it’s something which I’ll always find myself needing. It’s what I want to do with my life with the eventual aspiration of giving others the experiences I’ve had myself. What I find is that the outdoors simply is an idealistic facilitator for social, emotional, spiritual, physical and psychological growth and development, the ability to challenge by choice at a pace suitable to where you are physically and mentally at the time. The ability to form relationships built through the sharing of emotions and experiences bringing people together through a sense of unity sharing a common goal or aim. Having the opportunity to ground yourself and just take a break. Most importantly the opportunity to be mindful in a world that we live in today with the ever-growing pressure of the traditional education system, social media and societal norms to name a few. Fundamentally we know that spending time in the outdoors is beneficial to us in every way, it’s something I genuinely believe to be a pedagogical tool yet to be fully harnessed, I just hope that when we do It’s facilitated in a responsible manner which doesn’t harm the environment in which we all as humans long to spend time in.
